so that wasnt chicken after all
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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