I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
