ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
