discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
