I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
She announced her abortion via fbk
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
