so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
