All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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