yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
my poor anus
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
