big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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