dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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