How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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