haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
everyone is single if you try hard enough
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
