She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
