Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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