Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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