I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
