I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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