There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
