so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
