Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
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