there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
