she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Randomize
