hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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