i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
