I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
