Buhtt sex?
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
