Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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