Everything about him screamed your future.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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