You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
