The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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