Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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