he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
