Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
