My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
