That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
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Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Liz is crying about burritos again.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
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Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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