Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
