whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
