You were right. It hurts to walk today.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
