My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
