All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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