Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Randomize