Having a random hookup so left but love u
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize