we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
