those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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