Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
