im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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