dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
