I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Randomize
