he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
