So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
