Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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