Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
