me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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