when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Randomize
