Swine flu is the new snow day.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
