Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
