For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
