I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
