Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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