no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
