NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
