New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
