Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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