dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
