i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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