im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
How does it feel to date your dad?
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
