I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
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