I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
You can't special order awesome
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
