u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
