ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
