Grow some girl-balls and come out already
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
