If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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