Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(908): View more from New Jersey

the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.

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(734): View more from Michigan

I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything

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(320): View more from Minnesota

I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.

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(713): View more from Texas

Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me

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(540): View more from Virginia

It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.

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(727): View more from Florida

You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.

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(306): View more from Saskatchewan

fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.

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(780): View more from Alberta, CA

So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.

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(616): View more from Michigan

My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job

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