i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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