in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Randomize
