Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
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