Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
