sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
