I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
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